I've been discussing with friends a lot about religion lately. It's weird how we see things completely differently. One of them strongly believe that people like us, atheist, don't think. And that's why we don't see that there's no way that there isn't a god out there.
But I think that it is the opposite that happens to me. Because I didn't find a house for myself yet (Catholic having the house of God), I have to keep looking for an answer and a sense of my life. I had been, however, 12 years in a catholic school, but it didn't change anything in my mind. Isn't that sad to see relatives and friends leaving you, and you know that you'll never see them again. I remember when I was 10, at the funeral of my brother, my mom (who is christian by the way) told me to talk to him. I started but suddenly stopped...I slapped myself and wondered what I was doing, talking to nobody...And I was only 10...
You don't choose to believe or not. It just happens to me. It would be so easy if I believed in a god and a life after death. I wouldn't be killing myself with thousands of questions. I'm maybe too rational; there must a question for everything.
So my friend concluded that I didn't believe in anything, but I told him I believed in my family and humans in general. I just want to leave something behind me but I just don't know what yet. Yes, I do doubt a lot sometimes. The only thing that keeps me in life, is the love of my mom, and my curiosity. I want to see more, and I hate to make those who love me sad. So there is that question of what would happen if one day they are all gone. I have to say that I don't know. I hope someone would enter my life and help me to keep fighting, but I definitely can imagine myself ending all this sooner than it should be. Kinda scary when I think about it, but being a rationalist, I know it is possibility...
But I think that it is the opposite that happens to me. Because I didn't find a house for myself yet (Catholic having the house of God), I have to keep looking for an answer and a sense of my life. I had been, however, 12 years in a catholic school, but it didn't change anything in my mind. Isn't that sad to see relatives and friends leaving you, and you know that you'll never see them again. I remember when I was 10, at the funeral of my brother, my mom (who is christian by the way) told me to talk to him. I started but suddenly stopped...I slapped myself and wondered what I was doing, talking to nobody...And I was only 10...
You don't choose to believe or not. It just happens to me. It would be so easy if I believed in a god and a life after death. I wouldn't be killing myself with thousands of questions. I'm maybe too rational; there must a question for everything.
So my friend concluded that I didn't believe in anything, but I told him I believed in my family and humans in general. I just want to leave something behind me but I just don't know what yet. Yes, I do doubt a lot sometimes. The only thing that keeps me in life, is the love of my mom, and my curiosity. I want to see more, and I hate to make those who love me sad. So there is that question of what would happen if one day they are all gone. I have to say that I don't know. I hope someone would enter my life and help me to keep fighting, but I definitely can imagine myself ending all this sooner than it should be. Kinda scary when I think about it, but being a rationalist, I know it is possibility...
